This is my BatPage. It contains all the songs, poetry and selected prose whitterings I’m willing to admit to having written. The stuff falls into four types and three domains.
The types are songs, poetry, prose and filk; that last may need some explaining: suffice to say that my definition of filk is “songs to the tune of other songs”. That’s not the common definition of filk, which is more like songs written by geeks of one type or another, but I’m with Humpty on the topic of words meaning what I say they mean.
The domains are SCAdian, choral and general. I’ve been a member of the SCA since 1992 and was active in university choirs from 1995 to 2003, so that’s those ones; the general domain is anything else, and is generally a little bit of politics, a fair bit of geeky stuff and some general piffle.
Of course, if you’re here for the political stuff, here’s a map to help you find it. And if a certain civilisation-demolishing virus is your thing, here’s the list of those songs.
This is all my work, except for a few things I’m hosting for other artists. You can sing, recite or yodel them to your heart’s content provided you don’t misrepresent them as your own work. Copyright remains with the author, which is me unless otherwise stated. The Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International licence applies to all my work; standard copyright applies to anything that isn’t by me. I think the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation put it best: share and enjoy!
- Acrostic Sonnets
- Choral Filk
- A Choral Oddity
- A Thousand Choirs A Day
- Always An Alto
- And The Bass Sings Low And Profoundly
- Babylon
- Bass Touch
- Bruckner Claus
- Every IV’s Sacred
- I Don’t Like Camp Food
- Jerusawoody
- Jon the Prevert
- Mister G!
- Mister Jeff
- Muriel’s Concert
- Now Oh Fuck
- Piano God
- Rubber Chicken
- Sing Low, Sweet Cameron
- Susilli
- The Bass Anthem
- The Choristers
- The Tenor Went Down To Canberra
- The War of the Choirs
- General Filk
- 99 Australian Ways
- A Policeman’s Not
- A Visit From Saint Valeyard
- After All Of That
- Aggravation
- Alice in PL/1-derland
- All Creatures That In House Do Dwell
- All My Friends Are Getting Pregnant
- All Teachers Great And Small
- alt.sex On Their Minds
- An Apology
- Anthem For A Clever Country
- Antony!
- Baa Baa Barnaby
- Big Lies
- Black Adam
- Breakfast At Dunning/Kruger’s
- Build Me A Clone
- Captain Jack and the Daleks
- Cis White Boomers
- Crossing The Line
- Dan 2.0
- Dear Loon Extruder
- Devil In The Dark
- Did A Lot Of Stringing Last Night
- Dilithium Rhapsody
- Dishwasher Calling
- Doch naS
- Don’t Pay The Feral Man
- Don’t Worry, That’s Donny
- Dumb Ways To Lie
- Dunny Boy
- Enormous Hair
- Every Germ Is Sneaky
- Everything Is Fucked Now
- Feed The Troll!
- Fire Lies
- Gaffa Fixes Everything
- Geevo Town
- Giardia
- Go Down, Voters
- Hamster Hotel
- Haunted By The Bovine
- Hello From The North Shore
- Home And Cosy
- I Knew You Were Donald
- I Like Pauline
- I Wash My Hands
- I’ll Be In Your Bubble
- I’ll Spend A Billion Dollars
- I’m In Geeveston Still
- I’ve Got A Theory
- Idol Thoughts
- If I Were Malarky
- It’s Beginning To Smell A Lot Like Christmas
- It’s My Party And I’m Self-Isolating
- John Denver Meets The Zombie Apocalypse
- Kurt Vonnegut: Hacker
- Let ‘Em Vote
- Lockdown Girl
- Misty Mountain Commuting
- Mother Nature’s Screaming
- My Youngest Son
- My.Gov
- Never On A Friday
- New Hole, New Hole
- Newtown
- Not Clarke and Dawe: Useful Advice In These Trying Times
- O Caprica!
- O Come All Ye Trekful
- O Holy Fuck
- Ode To Harvey
- Ode To Senator Neunzehn
- Ode to Sir Hugh
- Our Home Town
- Patronise Mode
- Pauline
- Plague In The ACT
- Plain Vanilla
- Political Correction
- Rasmus’s Toy
- Redneck Radio
- Rudolph the Teenage Human
- SARS-CoV-2 Is Coming To Town
- Scotty From Marketing
- Set Fire To The Sea
- Shut Up And Go To Sleep
- Simply Unimpeachable
- Slight Whine In The Sun
- Sourcerers
- Southern Outlet
- Spud Man
- Squargle
- Star Trek: The Next Generation episode “User Interface”
- Starfleet’s Mutineers
- Stick The Bastards (In The Sack)
- Still, You Got An Awesome Solo
- Superior Orders
- Sweet
- Telstrawocky
- Terry Bisson Meets An Old Cowpoke
- Thank God I’m A Cessna Boy
- That’s Covfefe
- The Bastard Boy
- The Chinese Year of the Dead Parrot
- The Comforting Song
- The Cutty Picnic
- The Final Bogroll
- The Modern Major Plebiscite
- The Post-Olympic Anthem
- The Rambler
- The Reckoning
- The Remains Of My Country
- The Story So Far
- The Twelve Weeks of Cleaning
- The Whingeing Song
- They’ll Know We Are Christians By Our Fish
- This Subnet Belongs To Me
- Three Syllable Slogans
- Three Word Slogans
- Throw Your Arms Around Paul McDermott
- Torch Song
- Twitymandias
- Two Strangers In One Bed
- Vanstone
- We Didn’t Pick The Liar
- Wouldn’t It Be Nice
- Y2K The Brave
- Yet Another Song About The C-Word
- Your Marriage Belongs To Me
- General Poetry
- 0x88 Lines
- 1 Corinthians 7, More Or Less
- A Mastodon On Waterskis
- A Supposedly Impossible Rhyme
- Can I Please
- John 3-16 (An Incomplete Metaphor)
- Ripon
- Six Seasons In One Day
- The Australian Experience
- The Fish Licence
- The Single Solitary Advantage
- The Tale of Eric and the Gazebo
- The Tale of Woe
- The Testaments
- General Songs
- Not Me
- Political Songs
- SCAdian Filk
- A Bad Name
- A Word From Our Sponsors
- Achey-Breaky Squire
- Armoured Codpiece
- Auctioning Heavies In The Dark
- Bardic Circle/Double Feature
- Bastian The Whore
- Bob’s Song
- BoD Shuffled Their Books
- Booze
- Brewer Morgan
- Buckland’s Britches
- Cam Ye Here Tae Bitch?
- Clara’s Theme
- Dragon Ships Upon The Sea
- Elfin’s Song
- Falaka
- Feather Boys
- Fiat Lux!
- Fight At Festival In Rowany
- Gods Preserve Us From The Vikings
- Hammering In The Dust
- Hard Times Of Old Lochac
- Hauoc the King
- He Moved Through The Fair
- He Will Rule You
- Heard It From The Bovine
- Helium Hands
- Hug The Chivalry
- I Cooked A Feast
- I Was Only A Bard
- I’m A Stickjock
- If I Only Had A Crown
- It’s Not Fair
- King Horsey
- Known World
- Land of Devils
- Laurelbusters
- Mordenvale Ride
- My Persona
- Newest Man At Arms
- No One Updates The News
- No West
- Not Perfect
- Oh No Not Again
- Old King Niáll
- One Night At Banquet
- Rainbow SCA
- Rebuilt Middle Ages
- Red Glows My Feasting Gear
- Rowany
- Sail On The Southerly Seas
- She Moves So Perfectly
- Shout A Lot
- Singy Singy Song
- Six Bored Heralds
- Smithfield Sanitorium
- Snap! Slot! Rap!
- Some Kingdom That I Used To Rule
- Somebody’s Shining
- Song Of Patriotic Anachronism
- Summertime Is Icumen In
- Superknight’s Song
- Sweet Molly Go Home!
- The Bacchus Woods Anthem
- The Baronesses’ Feast Hall
- The Beard Song
- The College Weeps Tonight
- The Court of King Cornelius
- The Death of the Baron Drake Morgan
- The Dunnikin Diver
- The Fighters Who Don’t Win Anything
- The Fishermen Who Don’t Annoy The King
- The Good Old Days
- The Great Lie
- The King Song
- The Kingdoms
- The Lightwood Anthem
- The Man In Black
- The Peerage And The Damage Done
- The Riled Rover
- The SCA Household Of The Rising Sun
- The Snow-Spangled Banner
- The Stranded Sailor
- The Youth Of Today
- Theme From Rowany Festival 2008
- Tomorrow Lady
- Torlyon Anthem
- Tosti, Gersh and Dru
- Twa Bardies
- Two Crown Princes
- Uncle Llewen
- Watching The Tents
- We All Dread The Weather
- We Didn’t Join For Fighting
- We Will Lift You
- Western Coronation
- Where The Heck Is My Dummy
- Who Wants To Fight Forever
- Who’s Volunteering In Your Festival?
- Wish You Could Cook
- Yawn In Technicolor
- Ynys Fawrian Knights
- Yo-Yo And Aeddy
- Yolande The Headless Munchkin Wrangler
- SCAdian Poetry
- A Greeting from Politarchopolis
- A Huraiwa On Literate Leadership
- A Toast To William Marshal
- An Apology
- Godwin Meets The Horde
- Gold
- Heralds Don’t Pun – They Cant
- I Travelled To The Sunny North
- Odyssey Lite
- The Chirurgeon’s Tale
- The Judgement Of Paris
- The Ladies of Rowany
- The Naming
- The Naming of the Shire
- The Ranglawoth
- The Royal Whims
- The Shambles
- The Tailleferian Charter
- The Three Gifts
- The Truth About Vikings
- The War of the Sunshades
- SCAdian Prose
- SCAdian Songs
- A Blessing, A Curse
- A Luteless Minstrel
- A Thousand Ships
- Absent Friends
- Are You My Daddy?
- Brusi Fought
- Charlemagne!
- Edmund’s Secret
- Friend, Thou Wallowest
- Hedeby’s Quarter
- How Is It, Why Is It
- Ifs And Ans
- Inspiration
- Lament
- Light
- Listen for the Footsteps
- Lord McGee
- My Lady Lives High
- My Son, I’ve Been A Rover
- Nasza Slawa
- No Finer Place Than Home There Is
- Ode to Wee Jamie
- Oh The Baron!
- Out Walking
- Peasant’s Rest
- She Came From Misty Stormhold
- Sir Agro Went A-Roving
- Thanks For The Inspiration
- The Ballad of Nimuë
- The Ballad of Sylvester and Myrtle
- The Griffin The Ship And The Tree
- The Kurgan’s Song
- The Respectable Song
- The SNAK Song
- The Victors
- The War Drum Song
- The Wind And The Weather
- There’s None So True As Sun-Helm
- We Choose Our Kings
- We Stand
- Where Snow And Mist Are King
- Who Died And Made You King
- Virus Stuff