If you’re reading this from some time in the future, it may be difficult to follow some of the references I make in my topical songs. For example, “the United States of America” is what you probably know as that isolationist failed state south of Canada that made such a mess of the concept of democracy in the twentieth century. You might need to read articles from the time to learn, for example, of the “scandal” (i.e. the moment when the government did something else unthinkable but everyone was too busy squabbling about Snow White’s skin tone so they got away with it) when a national security adviser invited a newspaper editor into a group chat on a non-secure platform and let him watch them bombing some random bunch of state-designated bad guys.
This is about that. The tune is Love Shack by the B-52s.
April 2025
If you see a flashing light on the screen of your phone that says
“Click to join in the Group Chat”
Group Chat yeah yeah
I’m editin’ The Atlantic one day
Lookin’ for some news, right away
Lookin’ for some news, right away
I got me a call, it’s a hell of thing
And they added me in to the Group Chat
I got me an invite, it sure is a beauty
They’re plotting out attacks on big bad Houthis!
The Group Chat is a little old place where
We can plot together
Group Chat baby
A Group Chat baby
Group Chat, baby, Group Chat
Group Chat, baby, Group Chat
Pete says, mission is GO
He said so, in the Group Chat
Well our target’s home and he hasn’t got a clue
What we’re planning to do and he’s gonna end flat
Hit ’em with the strike drones
Hit ’em with the aftershocks
Hit ’em with the jet planes
Hit ’em with the Tomahawks
The Group Chat is a little old place where
We can cheer together
Group Chat baby
Group Chat baby
Group Chat, that’s where it’s at
Group Chat, that’s where it’s at
Laughin’ and emojis, praisin’ and a-prayin’,
Gratitude conveying while the bullets are slayin’
The whole Chat cheering at clever engineering, God bless
And good job and great work and well done!
Bombs are really flyin’, Yemenis are dyin’ baby
Folks postin’ flags and fists and some biceps
Bombs are really flyin’, Yemenis are dyin’ baby
Happy little Chat
Happy little Chat
[Instrumental]
Got me an invite, I was sure it’s a fake
And then they made the ground shake!
They added me in, up to the red line, so it’s real:
I guess I got my headline!
The Group Chat is a little old place where
We can pray together
Group Chat baby
A Group Chat baby
Group Chat, baby, Group Chat
Group Chat, baby, Group Chat
Tap tap tap on the app, Mikey!
Add another number, sugar!
Tap tap tap on the app, Mikey!
Who needs clearance?
Tap tap on the app, Mikey!
Tap tap, add a name!
Tap tap, no it’s fine, surely!
Tap tap —
You’re what?
Mike Waltz:
Fired!
Group Chat, baby, Group Chat!
Group Chat, baby, Group Chat!
Group Chat, baby, Group Chat!
Group Chat, baby, Group Chat!