My obligatory Star Trek filk, and also my obligatory Queen filk. How efficient! I’ve had this one quoted on more web sites than anything else I’ve written. To the tune of Bohemian Rhapsody, of course.

[1991?]

Scene One: The Engine Room

Geordie:

Is this the warp drive
Is this machinery
Caught in a fast dive
No escape from the gravity
Send out your probe
Look down at the globe and see
I’m just a blind boy
Aided prosthetically
Because I clearly see, clearly know
Enterprise flying low
Can you hear the wind blow
Bashing through the bulkheads
To me, to me

Scene Two: The Bridge

Troi:

The Klingon is in command
Has a turtle on his head
Looks ridiculous in red
Klingons, I can sense it now
Are not content to sit at ops all day
Worfie, ooh
Didn’t mean to make you growl
I’m glad you shot Picard and William Riker
Carry on, carry on
(Let your navigating doom us)

Scene Three: The Engine Room

Geordie:

Too late, our time has come
Sent shivers through the hull
All the readouts going dull
Good bye, everybody
We’ve got to go
Got to leave the stars behind
And crash the ship

Troi:

Klingon, ooh
I don’t wanna die
I sometimes wish you’d studied those damn controls

A light lights up on a console.

Geordie:

I see a little sillhouetto of a ship
Red alert, red alert, will you answer my mayday
Planetary lightning, very very frightening me
Galileo, Galileo, Galileo, Galileo, Galileo Shuttlecraft
I’d better go-oh-oh-oh
I’m just a blind boy, making a getaway

Troi:

He’s just a blind boy, running for a shuttle bay
Spare him his life from this mad mutiny

Scene Four: The Shuttlecraft Galileo

Geordie: Tractor beam, locking on, will you let me go?
Worf: Quvatlh, no, I will not let you go
Troi: Let him go
Worf: Quvatlh, I will not let you go
Troi: Let him go
Worf: Quvatlh, I will not let you go
Geordie: Let me go
Worf: Will not let you go
Geordie: Let me go
Worf: Will not let you go
Geordie: Let me go, oh
Worf: No, no, no, no, no, no, no
Geordie: Oh!

Ship’s Computer, Ship’s Computer,
Tell me where I ought to go
Doc Heisenberg has a theory put aside
For me, for me, for me

He spins off into space and is lost forever.

Scene Five: The Bridge

Picard:

So you think you can stun me and capture my craft
So you think you can beat me and give me the shaft
Oh, baby
Can’t do this to my baby
Just gotta win out, just gotta get you out of here

A battle; Worf is shot.

Epilogue: The Shuttlecraft Galileo

Geordie:

Nothing’s really matter
Anyone can see
Nothing’s really matter, nothing’s really matter, but me

Curtain.