Every Germ Is Sneaky

Another about the Slowpocalypse, written a day after I wrote I Wash My Hands.¬† This is to the tune of Monty Python’s Every Sperm Is Sacred.

March 2020

There is flu in the world
There’s bronchitis
There is herpes and measles and gout
There’s mad cow disease and there’s lupus
(Though House says to rule that one out)

Lots of bad infections
You catch ’em and you’ll quickly be sad
But the one that we’re lately concerned with
You might never notice you had!

You don’t have to get a bad fever
You don’t need an ache in your brain
You don’t need to cough up a lung, but you
Can still cause a whole world of pain

Because…

Every germ is sneaky
Every germ is sly
If a germ should choose you
You may not know why

Every germ is near you
Every new syndrome
If it finds its moment
You might take it home

Let the panicked locusts
Buy their bog roll hoard
That won’t help remotely
If this rule is ignored

Every germ is sneaky
Every germ’s severe
Wash, and watch your distance
Then you might stay clear

Listen to the doctors
Yes, even when it’s tough
Our politicians are not
Experts at this stuff

Every germ is sneaky
Every germ is sly
If a germ should choose you
You may not know why

Every germ is lurking
Every germ is near
Wash, and watch your distance
Then you might stay clear

Every germ is nasty
Every germ’s a fink
You’ll do better if you
Think! And think! And think!

[dance break during which all dancers maintain a safe distance of 1.5m and do not cough on each other]

Nothing here is certain
That’s a pain indeed
Still, at least we’re breathing
What else do we need?

Every germ is lurking
Every germ is near
Wash, and watch your distance
Then you might stay clear

Every germ is sneaky
Every germ is sly
If a germ should choose you
You may not know whyyyyyy!