Torlyon Anthem

This is part of my occasional series of anthems for various groups, along with The Bacchus Woods Anthem and Songs Of The West. Torlyon’s mercenary army (ie their entire roster of fighters) wanted something to sing on the way to battle, and this filk of Men Of Harlech suited them nicely.


Torlyon, your mercenary
Army is so big and scary,
Not a single girl or fairy:
Golly, they’re so strong!
In their blue and silver armour
They make such a panorama.
Victory is in their karma,
Losing would be wrong.
Torlyon, your army
Fight as if they’re barmy!
Off they go to chop the foe
To little bitty slivers of salami!
Baronies are full of liars,
Also cantons, ports and shires.
Only Torlyon inspires
Such a mighty throng!

Torlyon, now stop your drinking!
Hear the foemen’s armour clinking!
They are very likely thinking
They will win the day!
Hear them boast before the battle.
See their shiny sabres rattle.
You shall chop them down like cattle,
Make them run away!
Torlyon, attack them!
Plunder, raid and sack them!
Fire away the trebuchet
And batter, wallop, lacerate and whack them!
When they think they’ll win the fight you
Show no mortal men can blight you:
Lionheart himself would knight you,
If he lived today.

Torlyon, of all the stories
Told of mighty armies’ glories
None have caused such mad furores
As the ones of you.
Arthur, Saladin and Caesar,
When compared to you all these are
Not as butch as Saint Teresa;
Barely worth a sou!
Town of foggy weather
Breeds ’em tough as leather
None can dream to best the team
That battles, parties, eats and drinks together!
More will fall with every minute
Have no doubt that you will win it…
Long as there’s some money in it,
Torlyon wins through!