I wrote this years and years ago, and just found it tonight when I was rummaging through an old backup CD looking for incriminating photos of a friend of mine. It’s fiction, of course, which is why it works. Think of it as being sung by a real genuine Aussie bloke, circa ages ago.
[Mid-1993]
I met a lady at the races
The sort to floor the toughest bloke
She won a fortune in a minute, so she did
And spent it all till she was broke
Her eyes were utterly bewitching
Her smile could brighten up the day
Until she happened not to like a thing I said
And then her face was thunder grey
Chorus:
It never rains but it pours, dear
It never rains but it pours
She’s either breathless or she snores, dear
She either nags or she ignores.
And so I asked for her hand then
She told me gladly, and she smiled
But if I thought she made me mad when first we met
Then being married drove me wild
(Chorus)
She never did a spot of cleaning
She never raised her hand to cook
And when I asked her for a husband’s holy due
She gave me nothing but a look
(Chorus)
And when I told her I’d an urging
To pass my name to younger kin’s
She got a look inside her lovely ruby eyes
And nine months later gave me twins!
(Chorus)