The closing ceremony of the Sydney Olympics featured the now-defunct band most of us call ‘Average Garden’. This is to the tune of their nauseatingly up-beat Affirmation.

September 2000

I believe that crap is all that gets played on the radio
I believe I’d almost rather shoot myself than be Bardot
I believe that stars get contracts only if they give good head
I believe their parents should have stayed apart and never bred
I believe the music industry’s run by Neanderthals
I believe that someone ought to shove them off Niagara Falls

I believe in clichés – all our screaming girlie fans won’t mind;
I believe you can’t appreciate Sony ’till you’ve been signed;
I believe in shoehorning lyrics in place haphazardly;
I believe the Wiggles’ Wake Up Jeff is deep philosophy.

I believe you cannot beat the mighty music industry
I believe that cash is more important than integrity
I believe we might as well give in and let them take control
I believe we’d really like our next CD to turn to gold
I believe in selling all our souls to get played on the air
I believe it’s faster than Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?

I believe that Andy Warhol got it right, I don’t know how:
I believe we’ll soon be only mentioned on Where Are They Now
I believe we might as well enjoy it while we’ve got the chance
I believe I might be able to get into Kylie’s pants!