In a dark sweaty loungeroom, green slime on the floor
Womb noise on the CD, nude men at the door
Up ahead in the kitchen, I smell a hideous stench
Party nibbles from a year ago, left to breed on the bench

There she sat on an armchair, I heard a puppy bark
And she was saying to herself, this could be boring, this could be a lark
So I gave her some pizza, and I sat by her seat
In a voice of calm authority said, there’s folks here you should meet

Welcome to the Smithfield Sanitorium
Such a sordid place, can you stand the pace?
Plenty of life at the Smithfield Sanitorium
Certain times of year, there are parties here

Their kittens play in the ceiling, their puppies live in the yard
They’ve got lots of silly, silly fools, they’re getting spa’d
How they soak in the bathtub, sweet cubic pool
Some sit there relaxing, some sit there and drool

So I called up the Denbo, I said please deal with the mess
He said, we haven’t had a clean-up here since I first went O.S.
And still that kitchen was crowdling with noise and feet
Keep you up through the middle of the night, just to watch them eat

Welcome to the Smithfield Sanitorium
Such a sordid place, can you stand the pace?
Plenty of life at the Smithfield Sanitorium
Such a nice surprise, better imunize

Bodies on the sofa, ashtrays on the ground
And all the huddled next-door neighbours hear every worrisome sound
In the hall’s long reaches they undress for the spa
They fill it with a bromine mix but it feeds bacteria

Last thing I remember I was crawling for the door
I had to find a breath of air that was oxygen and no more
“Lie down,” said the sex gods, “we are programmed to corrupt
“You can stay here any time you like and we will not interrupt!”