This Subnet Belongs To Me

Mr Kearey requested a song about RFC 1855, the Netiquette Guidelines document prepared in 1995 for users of all manner of internet services. Here it is, to the tune of Tomorrow Belongs To Me from Cabaret:

[July 2000]

The ‘Net is a creature of patches and parts,
As free as the hawk on the breeze,
With billions of voices and hands and hearts,
Ruled only by RFCs.

O, Internet RFC 1-8-5-5,
Your paragraphs murmer to me!
No protocol yet keeps the ‘Net alive
As well as this RFC.

When mailing, recall that the ‘Net’s not secure;
Let copyright laws be your guide;
Ignore any chains; let your quotes stay pure;
Flame not; use a sig; don’t chide.

Check every address; mark your messages “long”;
Use smileys and caps sparingly;
Don’t send an attachment; kneejerks are wrong;
So speaketh this RFC.

O, Internet RFC 1-8-5-5,
Your sections are wise as can be!
A luser or guru will surely thrive
By trusting this RFC.

When chatting, be patient and always assume
That talk is as cheap as the dirt;
When posting to news, don’t send spam, or Boom!
Some hax0r will make you hurt!

The guidlines exist both for wisemen and fools,
They’re meant to be read carefully;
For can you imagine what chaos rules
Without such an RFC?

O, Internet RFC 1-8-5-5,
Our last and best hope, patently
The ‘Net is a queen-less and smoke-filled hive
Without such a thing
Without such a thing
Without such an RFC!