The Bacchus Woods Anthem

I was sitting watching the May Coronet tourney in St Florians (see The Kurgan’s Song and King Horsey for other artistic output from that weekend) and someone asked why I’d never written an anthem for the remarkably fecund shire of Bacchus Woods. I grabbed some paper and remedied the lack then and there.

[May 1998]

If you go down to the ‘Woods today,
You better have sturdy boots.
If you should see Bacchus Woods today,
Beware of their ripened fruits.
For every lass that ever was kissed
Allowed the kiss to linger, persist,
And grow into the Bacchus Breeding Program.

If you should meet with a woman there
You’ll see that she’s quite a prize:
Her form is firm and her face is fair;
She’s sweet on your weary eyes.
But watch it when she leads you away
To bide with her a night and a day,
Or else you’ll join the Bacchus Breeding Program!

Breeding time in Bacchus Woods:
You can inspect the goods,
But don’t be too quick to try your luck —
Something in the water there
Can make a lady fair
A dangerous fruit to try and pluck.
See them flirt and toss their heads
And if you need a bed
They’re happy to lend you theirs —
Before you blink they’ve shown you why
The men of Bacchus smile,
And you’ve answered their fondest prayers.

Oh, if you go down to the ‘Woods today,
Avoid all their games and toys;
If you should see Bacchus Woods today,
You’re better off meeting boys.
The cantons, shires and Barony there
Will welcome you with never a care,
But not so well as the Bacchus Breeding Program!