I’ve been impressed to watch The DM, my daughter (currently 15 going on 24), following in my footsteps in one specific way: she’s taken to singing at SCA events with, apparently, no stage fright or butterflies at all.  A song she sang at a nautical-themed feast in Ynys Fawr is Valhalla Calling by Miracle of Sound, and of course it’s an earworm, and of course I had to filk it.  The filk is also inspired by my daughter, and everyone else in the house, though not in a good way.

September 2023

Plates in piles on the bench all looming
Teacups teeter in a wobbly stack
No clean dishes and I’m really hungry
I’ve been slack

Pizza boxes and a Big Mac wrapper
God, I’m eating like a single man!
Cooking’s tricky when there’s no utensils
Pots or pans

Kitchen’s looking like an A-bomb hit it
I’ll get tetanus if I cook here
Time for tidying or die of famine
Fight my fear!

Oh-ho-oh
The mighty piles of cutlery
Oh-ho-oh
Dishwasher calling me
Oh-ho-oh
Insert the plates all evenly
Oh-ho-oh
Dishwasher calling me
Dishwasher calling me

Grab the washing up from every bedroom
Bin the snotty tissues at arm’s length
Who’s been fossilising old bananas?
Give me strength!

One potato masher crusted solid
One sad dinner bowl is turning green
Fourteen wooden spoons and not one bread knife
That’s obscene!

Oh-ho-oh
I’m stacking oh so carefully
Oh-ho-oh
Dishwasher calling me
Oh-ho-oh
That saucepan won’t wash properly
Oh-ho-oh
Dishwasher calling me
Dishwasher calling me

Fischer & Paykel carry me
Whirlpool and Bosch will set me free
Maytag and Beko carry me
Samsung and Smeg will set me free

Oh-ho-oh
Where could the washing powder be?
Oh-ho-oh
Dishwasher calling me
Oh-ho-oh
Still lots to scour manually
Oh-ho-oh
Dishwasher calling me
Dishwasher calling me