The year 2020 was supposed to be all about the underwater labs and, oh I don’t know, probably sentient dolphins and world governments and stuff, but instead it’s been drought, fire, flood, hail and now the biggest viral pandemic in a century. What fun! I found myself too caught up in abject terror to write anything more than snarky rants about the current (as of 11:30pm) Prime Minister, Scotty From Marketing, and to worry about what’s going to happen next. But one cathartic rant on Facebook and I got my brain together to the point that I could actually write filk songs again. This is the result. The tune is I Touch Myself, by the Divinyls. Maintain your social distance and sing along!
March 2020
I miss my friends
I wish they were near me
Then someone coughs
I want to get clear please
I stay inside
Don’t want you to find me
There’s a world out there
Don’t need you to remind me
I don’t have any other plans
When I’ve just been out there, I wash my hands
Oh, I don’t have any other plans
Oh no, oh no, oh no
Not concerned about my nose running
That’s much more a head-cold sign
But if I feel a fever rising
That’s where I draw the line
A nasty cough
That could be a few things
My head feels off
Well that’s hardly a new thing
My breathing’s hard
I feel hot and I’m aching
If it is on the cards
There’s precautions I’m taking
I don’t have any other plans
When I’ve just been out there, I wash my hands
Oh, I don’t have any other plans
Oh no, oh no, oh no, yeah
I’ve got my books
My NetFlix subscription
The pantry’s stocked
Filled all my prescriptions
Went out last night
Although it was creepy
I bought just my share
Of white rice and T.P.
I don’t have any other plans
When I’ve just been out there, I wash my hands
Oh, I don’t have any other plans
Oh no, oh no, oh no
(Whispered: “No handshakes. Pay attention the news! Just cough into your elbow — don’t touch your face!”)
Ooh, ooh, ooh-oooh, aaahh!
I don’t have any other plans
When I’ve just been out there, I wash my hands
Oh, I don’t have any other plans
When I’ve just been out there, I wash my hands
I wash my hands, I wash my hands
I wash my hands, I wash my hands
I wash my hands, I wash my hands
I wash my hands, I frequently do
I wash my hands, I wash my hands
I wash my hands, I frequently do
I wash my hands, I wash my hands…