The BatPup and I went and saw Les Misérables and I was struck by the number of people who just died as soon as it was necessary for them to. I finally got around to writing this about that. It’s to the tune of Empty Chairs At Empty Tables.
There’s a book by Victor Hugo
It’s a musical as well
But they chopped out lots of chapters
From the book, you just can tell
Every singer gets a solo,
Mostly death scenes, by and by,
What they chopped are all the reasons
Half the singers had to die…
By a bullet from a musket
That’s a death that makes some sense
But Valjean just died at random!
And what of Eponine?
She died from passing on some mail!
Is postal work now fatal?
In this silly musical? That’s dense…
Oh Fantine, Fantine, I’m sorry
It’s ridiculous you died
What a scam – tuberculosis?
Bloody writers, never tried.
Silly reasons for your exits,
Silly writers, what a mess.
Still, you got an awesome solo
So there’s that at least I guess
Now my friends, my friends, don’t ask me
Why I lived and you did not
The librettist wants a death scene
So you had to die of plot.