Inspired by a friend’s response to (yet another) idiotic post about all the evuhl children at SCA events, here’s my response. I quite like Lily Allen’s songs, especially It’s Not Fair, and I’ve had it in my head for a few days, so here’s my filk.

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Oh he plays the proper Game, he says he loves to live the Dream
He’s got a bunch of good awards, he’s clearly on the peerage stream
You know I’ve never met a Lord so clearly full of courtesy
He’s not like all of them mundanes, they’re all too dull to interest me

There’s just one thing that’s getting in the way
When he sees someone’s kids he just goes off, it’s such a pain
He rants about their hair, their manners, their apparel,
And then he finds their folks and he just fires off both barrels:

“It’s not fair and you ought to be ashamed,
You ought to be ashamed, you ought to be ashamed
Oh, you’re supposed to take charge,
But you treat it like a game, you parents are to blame…

“It’s not fair, and it’s quite inopportune,
Your kids are out too soon, they’re acting like baboons
Oh, they’re supposed to obey,
But all they do is play, yeah all they do is play…”

Oh, I watch him as he’s dancing, in the middle of the hall,
He’s really sexy in his German with the puffed and slashed and all,
Then I remember all his ranting, every time some kid went by.
Oh if he ever meets my daughters, then he’ll pretty likely die…