A song set on Terry Pratchett’s Discworld. On the Discworld, the eighth son of an eighth son is a Wizard, and the eighth son of a Wizard is a Sourcerer. A Sourcerer is a source of pure, raw Magic, which is a power source combining the cuddliness of napalm with the timidity of antimatter, but with attitude. Needless to say, celibacy among wizards is strongly encouraged. To the tune of Russians, by Sting.

[January 1996]

In countries on the Circle Sea
There’s a well-known phobia of sourcery.
Conditioned by the tales our mothers told
Of the heretical creatures in the hubland cold.
Mister Sourcerer says he can change the Disc;
I’d much prefer not to take the risk.
It’s such a dangerous thing to do,
When the Wizards have eight children too.

How can a Wizard’s little boy
Be often highly strung and coy?
There would very probably be no defence,
From Agatea to the Circumfence.
They made some strange biology;
Regardless of Disc ecology;
Believe me when I say to you,
I hope the Wizards don’t make children too.

It is no hysterical accident,
To have a wife seven times gotten preg-a-nent!
There’s no such thing as a celibate Wiz;
They can try to just believe that there is.
Mister Wizard says he’s alone for life;
He can’t have time for a home and wife.
But there’s no proof that this is true,
Unless the Wizards don’t make children too!

They made some strange biology;
They mangled the Disc ecology;
But what might save us, me and you,
Is if the Wizards can’t stand children too!