From The Known Words 2, long out of print and replaced by The Known Words, which doesn’t include this (among others) due to it being not of sufficiently high standard:

This is pseudo-autobiographical, the differences being that it was my bike and girlfriend that disappeared, not my horse and my wife (neither of which I have, or intend to ever have). In a sense it was a good thing, because nothing causes me writer’s block quite as effectively as contentment. But I still didn’t like it.

 [1994]

My life was full of wonders, my happiness knew no bounds
Why, even the winter mornings were full of joyful sounds.
And the Baron, he called me over, a boon he had to ask:
“You’re a poet, I see; will you be one for me? Do you think you can do the task?”

Well, thanks for the invitation, I’d love to be a bard,
I’ve got the time and I like to rhyme, so it shouldn’t be really hard!

I went and found my pet goose, I borrowed a quill or two;
I mixed the ancient formulae for ink, a loathesome brew!
I sat myself at table, with plenty of paper stock;
And couldn’t you tell, but I instantly fell in the clutches of writer’s block!

I prayed for inspiration, I begged almighty God,
Inspire my heart for the bardic art, will you give me a bit of a prod!

The Lord, he must have heard me; my life, it took a turn;
Some scoundrel stole my horse and a fever began to burn.
But when some sly-tongued bastard seduced away my wife…
The poems I wrote were inspired, you’ll note, by my God-forsaken life!

So thanks for the inspiration, and thank you for your help
And the next time I need it, I don’t think I’ll plead it: I’ll bloody well help myself!