The Kurgan’s Song

There was a Bardic challenge at May Coronet, and one of the challenges was to write a song within 24 hours about a fighter. I chose a friend of mine whose life story within the SCA was an inspiration to minstrels everywhere. See King Horsey for the other song I wrote for that competition.

[May 1998]

The men who live in the ice and snow
Are not well known for meekness
Their names are not too often invoked
When relating tales of weakness
But of all the men in this hard, cold land
There is none so brave or bold or grand
As the fearsome, fightsome, feastsome lad
Who the snowmen know as Vlad.

Some years ago when the world was young
He acquired a reputation
By wearing stretchy orange trews
In a formal situation.
If you ask around why it caused a stir
All the old farts tell you “It’s just a blur”
But you know they’re jealous (human dregs!)
That he’s got such shapely legs!

The knights in council gave some thought
To the Kurgan’s elevation,
But when they called the vote in his name
Not a one opposed his station.
Though he’s out for now with a bodgy hand,
He’ll be back to rule the entire land,
And the truth will shine like a blazing sun
That there can be only one!