Cam Ye Here Tae Bitch?

This is to the tune of Cam Ye Oer Frae France, which Steeleye Span do a rollickin’ rendition of, and is about the sort of painful people you see at SCA feasts wishing they were at Tetsuyas.

[June 2007]

Cam ye here tae bitch?
Cam ye here for moanin’?
I saw ye leavin’ court;
Wisht ye hadnae blown in!
Oh, di’n’t ye like the way
Someone got awarded?
What ye had tae say
‘S best left unrecorded…

First remove is oot,
Didnae hear ye cheerin’.
Some tucked in but you
Could hardly eat for sneerin’.
Out there came a blade,
Tried tae cut your meat, sir;
Said ye’d rather trade
For a slice of pizza.

Swore the eggs were bad,
Blythely cleared the platter,
Cook was clearly mad,
Using too much butter.
What was not served raw
Cooked had been for ages.
Gin he worked for free,
He’s still nae worth his wages!

Got ye up tae dance,
Couldnae find a lady.
When they saw ye prance,
Out they skipped all shady!
They’ll be back, ye said,
Bouncing, pert and pretty —
Still they cam not back
Dearie, what a pity!

Hey for talkin’ true,
Hey for rulin’ proudly.
Hey for such as you
Speakin’ out sae loudly.
Many a man has burned,
To be so judgemental.
All the best have learned
Better to be gentle