Upon Ye Nature of Thinges Cloved

This isn’t actually a poem — it isn’t even art! — but it’s very popular nonetheless. If you know about cloved lemons and their application in the SCA, be educated herewith in the nature of other cloved fruit, as defined by the late Clan Womble (now known as Clan Roadkill).

[July 1993]

(with apologies to Terry Pratchett for the spelling)

Clovéd Lemonne: A Kisse
Clovéd Oranje: An Hugge
Clovéd Eggeplant: A Massage unto ye Shouldeures
Clovéd Banana: Warm Wordes
Clovéd Bruxxelle’s Sproote: A Massage unto Ye Feete
Clovéd Corne: Ye Nybblyng of Ye Eares
Clovéd Carrotte: To Talke Dyrty Yet Forsoothly
Clovéd Potatoe: An Light, Match, or Splinte
Clovéd Grape: An Warme Handshake
Cloved Watermellonn: ‘Tis best not discuss’d