Heralds Don’t Pun – They Cant

Someone complained about one of my heraldic puns on the Shambles; this was my response. I can count twenty-two heraldic puns herein; I’m particularly fond of the final one.


I stare in Or at potent fools,
Those sinister perverted gules,
Who’d bend and counter all the rules
If proper heralds weren’t in charge.

They would disable every law,
And cross their fingers to be sure,
To undermine our ways, and more!
I pale to see them still at large!

An ordinary man cannot
Do vairy much to stop the rot
I must confess it makes me hot
To see this conflict happening!

So mullet over, learn the truth:
Argentleman can’t be uncouth!
Take arms upon the field, forsooth!
(And bill your invoice of the King.)