There are a lot of truly awful Dukes in the wider SCA. Honestly, apart from the occasional adulterous narcissist and that one guy who didn’t get reprimanded for repeatedly threatening to beat up a friend of mine because it always happened in the carpark rather than during an event, our Dukes are pretty good. The US, however, is not so blessed. Murderers, liars and Nazis abound. I originally thought of including a specific name in this, but then I realised I didn’t need to limit myself. The tune is one I’ve wanted to filk on this exact topic for years: You Give Love A Bad Name by Bon Jovi.

April 2023

Toxic as fuck, and you’re to blame,
Fella, you give Dukes a bad name
[Instrumental intro]

A friendly smile like a big ol’ hound
You seem like a good guy, ’till I ask around
Start to see what I’m dealing with
When Florida Man ain’t an urban myth

Oh, you’re a poisoned sword, yeah
Oh, you’ve got your reward
No one can stop you
Got friends on the Board

Toxic as fuck, and you’re to blame
You give Dukes a bad name
You wave your stick and you break our Game
You give Dukes a bad name
Yeah, you give Dukes a bad name

Every whim is your just right
Crown or skirt will be yours tonight
You won it all on the day we lost
The oath that you swore when your fingers were crossed

Oh, you’re a poisoned sword, yeah
Oh, you’ve got your reward
No one can stop you
Got friends on the Board

Toxic as fuck, and you’re to blame
You give Knights a bad name
You wave your stick and you break our Game
You give Knights a bad name
You give Knights, oh

[Instrumental Break]

Oh, toxic as fuck, and you’re to blame
You give Peers a bad name
You wave your stick and you break our Game
You give Peers a bad name

Toxic as fuck, and you’re to blame
You give us a bad name
You wave your stick and you break our Game
You give us a bad name
You give us
You give us
You give us
You give us
You give us
You give us