The Grace Kelly Challenge was apparently a thing on TikTok for half a minute, and I heard of it through this particular short featuring Deadpool and Ron Burgundy. The tune stuck in my head, so I went and found the original and was faced with the puzzle of what to filk it about. It wasn’t that difficult, really – with two queer offspring and a lot of friends on the rainbow spectrum, I am aware that not every anthem for Group X is written by a member of Group X, so I figured I’d get in on that and write an anthem for the people I’m not.
March 2023
– “I wanna be myself.”
– “The last time you tried, Mr. Smith, you confused both of us! I do hope it won’t happen again…”
Do I confuse you? Do I bemuse you with my every change?
Am I too boyish, am I too toyish? Do I mess with your brain?
I could be normal, I could be formal, guess I’m uncertain of why:
Why do you preach me, why don’t you reach me, without making me cry?
I tried to be plain vanilla, mmh
Terribly dull, such a waste, aah
So like a new caterpillar, ooh
Let me try every new taste!
I could be bi, I could be gay, I could be ten kinds of queer
I could be flexi, I could be sexy, I could be nothin’ even near
Gotta be true, gotta be new, gotta be who I believe
Why won’t you let me, why won’t you get me?
Why would I try to deceive?
– “Getting labelled doesn’t solve anything”
How can I tell this, how can I spell this? So you can smell what I think?
Call it a label, call it a fable, circle my soul round in ink
Why should I hide it? Never denied it! This is the whole damn deal.
Isn’t an in-joke, these are my kinfolk, this is how we know we’re real.
I tried to be plain vanilla, mmh
Terribly dull, such a waste, aah
So like a new caterpillar, ooh
Let me try every new taste!
I could be bi, I could be gay, I could be ten kinds of queer
I could be flexi, I could be sexy, I could be nothin’ even near
Gotta be true, gotta be new, gotta be who I believe
Why won’t you let me, why won’t you get me?
I won’t deceive!
A closet’s OK, to keep your dancing shoes in
But why would I stay? The dance floor’s so much more my sort of thing
Now sing!
I could be bi, I could be gay, I could be ten kinds of queer
I could be flexi, I could be sexy, I could be nothin’ even near
Gotta be true, gotta be new, gotta be who I believe
Why won’t you let me, why won’t you get me?
I won’t deceive!
I could be bi, I could be gay, I could be ten kinds of queer
I could be flexi, I could be sexy, I could be nothin’ even near
Gotta be true, gotta be new, gotta be who I believe
Why won’t you let me, why won’t you get me?
I won’t deceive!
Ooh!
Ahh!
– “Humphry, we’re staying”
– “Ca-ching!”