Leonard Cohen’s haunting and evocative song First We Take Manhattan (Then We Take Berlin) has been an earworm for ages, and with it came the memory of a throw-away joke I couldn’t seem to ditch. Finally I just went ahead and wrote the rest of the song around the joke. This is that.
October 2025
I’m Henry T, the rightful King of England
But woman troubles do my poor head in
I’ll make the Pope declare that I am single, and
First I’ll shake mad Catherine, then I’ll take Boleyn
I married her because my daddy said so
I married her when I was young and thin
But all the babes she bore have turned out dead so
First I’ll shake mad Catherine, then I’ll take Boleyn
I’d really like to reign beside you, Henry
I’ll give you babies, sons and daughters I suppose
But I see those axemen lurking in the Tower
I wonder, I wonder, I wonder, will I meet one of those?
I loved her sexy sister, but now I reckon she’s the better kin
And no one’s gonna stop me, ’cause defying me’s a mortal sin
I’ll sing her songs about her sleeves, I reckon that’ll get her in
First I’ll shake mad Catherine, then I’ll take Boleyn
I don’t like the Church’s rulings, Father
I don’t like your laws on what’s a sin
I don’t like it, might just change it, rather
First I’ll shake mad Catherine, then I’ll take Boleyn
I’d really like to reign beside you, Henry
I’ll give you babies till they’re coming out your nose
But I see those axemen lurking in the Tower
I wonder, I wonder, I wonder, will I meet one of those?
I thanked her for her ugly daughter, Mary
But nothing else she did for me as Queen
I’ll pick some stooge to head up Canterbury
First I’ll shake mad Catherine, then I’ll take Boleyn
Remember me, the greatest King to reign, see
Remember me, I’m born to always win
I’m sure my married life will now be pain free
First I’ll shake mad Catherine, then I’ll take Boleyn