Donald Trump, the 47th and final President of the failed political experiment called the “United States”, must have accidentally glanced at a history book, or more likely a short video on Twitter, and learned about triumphs, those military parades that the Roman emperors loved to stage for their own glory.  That or he envied Kim Jong Putin and wanted something like he saw them doing. He staged a parade, ostensibly for the 250th anniversary of the US military, and it was a pitiful thing.  This is about that.

The tune is Cheap Wine by Cold Chisel, only the second time I’ve ever filked one of their songs.

June 2025

Once I ruled reality TV
I was a bigly star
Baby that was years ago
I left it all behind
They had a vote, I claimed to win
Just for once that wasn’t lies and spin
Baby that was months ago
I left it all behind for my

Crap crowd and a squeaky tank
Crap crowd and a squeaky tank
Come on
Come on
Come on

Didn’t mind wreckin’ charities
To milk my clueless fans
Baby I don’t read the rules
I don’t read the rules
Baby you can march for me
(If you’re not gay or trans)
I don’t really need you fools
I don’t need you fools
I’ve got my

Crap crowd and a squeaky tank
Crap crowd and a squeaky tank
Come on
Come on
Come on

I’m sitting in the stands with a massive frown, oh yeah
I spent a whole bunch and it’s shanty town, oh yeah
I’m sleepin’ through the speeches like I always do
Like when the Pope died, snorin’ on through
Watchin’ the marches, and thinkin’ ’bout the big barbecue
Big barbecue
Yum!

Any time you want to know me
You don’t need to think too hard
I’m a very simple man
And you’ll see me drop my guard
With my

Crap crowd and a squeaky tank
Crap crowd and a squeaky tank
Come on
Come on
Come on

Crap crowd and a squeaky tank
Crap crowd and a squeaky tank
Come on
Come on
Come on

[etc]