This is, in a sense, inspired by every alto I’ve ever met, but I can pretty much tell you who’s the inspiration for each line. I’m not going to tell you, but I could, if I were suicidally insane. It’s to the tune of Billy Joel’s Always A Woman, and was triggered when Ch@s mentioned the vague idea, and possibly the line that starts “She’ll sing what she’s given”.
[August 2002]
She can kill with a song,
She can wound with the blues,
She can tread on your heart with her sensible shoes,
And she’ll often reveal what you’re hoping to see
(Once she’s had a few drinks)
Yes, she’s always an alto to me.
She can leave you appalled,
She can frankly dismay you.
She can take all your shirts
And she’ll never repay you.
But she looks so much better in my clothes than me…
Blame it all on the pitch,
‘Cos she’s always an alto to me.
Oh, she can scare you at times
She can do you some harm
She’s a woman of whim
Oh, and she never forgives
And she never forgets
Till the stars have grown dim
She can study the score
And perfect every note,
Or she’ll simply ignore it
And wing it, by rote.
She’ll sing what she’s given (as long as it’s G);
‘Though she mimes in the concert,
She’s always an alto to me.
(Chorus)
She is frequently smart
And she’s often well-dressed,
But the basses don’t notice
Much more than her chest.
Yet she’s rarely attracted
To tenors, we see…
And that rumble we do
Simply turns her to goo,
‘Cos she’s always an alto to me.
Though some people may say
This is all a cliché,
Still she’s always an alto to me.