This is especially for friends in Victoria, who have been through the whole COVID lockdown rigmarole often enough now that it’s possible to imagine singing about it without getting the PTSD shakes.  The tune is Billy Joel’s Uptown Girl.

July 2021

Lockdown girl
She’s been living in her locked-down world
I bet she’s cleaning every single day
And reading Baudelaire and Hemmingway
That’s just her way

She’s a lockdown girl
She’d be baking lots of fruit bread swirls
To better complement her diet plan
And if she’s looking for a lockdown man
That’s what I am

And when I see her outside
On her two-hour walk
And when she masks up
To shop, I can’t hear her talk
I use my check-in app,
Show her I’m just the chap

For a lockdown girl
You know I’d Zoom her if she’d have a whirl
She’s prob’ly tired of her stylish boys
I bet they’ve all got too much charm and poise
Bet that annoys!

Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh

Lockdown girl
You know she ought to have a Prince or Earl
But maybe someone really dull like me
Can try to reach a girl as smart as she
And then she’ll see

And when we’re walking
Just five Ks from ho-o-ome
And when we’re talking
For hours on the pho-o-one
She’ll say I’m not so bad
Just because I’m some lad

With a lockdown girl
She’s been living in her Netflix world
As long as anyone who loves Our Dan
And knows to stay away from movers’ vans
She’ll need a plan

Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh

Lockdown girl
She’s a lockdown girl
I’d quite like to meet with a lockdown girl
That lockdown girl
I’d quite like to meet with a lockdown girl
That lockdown girl
I’d quite like to meet with a lockdown girl
…