When I were a wee tacker, I had a Physical Education teacher named Mr Thompson, who claimed to be Canadian though his accent was not like any character I’ve ever seen on an American TV show set in New York or Metropolis or Caprica so I doubt the assertion.  I half-filked the unofficial 1980s Olympic anthem, Moscow by Ghengis Khan (Moskau by Dschinghis Khan in the original German) about him: “Thompson… teacher of dread P.E…. torturing you and me…” and so on. Much more recently, I was struck by the urge to filk it properly, and since my canton needed an anthem, here is the result.

Lightwood!
Canton of Ynys Fawr:
Life on the valley floor,
Peaceful and green.

Lightwood!
Your golden apples grow,
Even through wind and snow —
Know what I mean?

And every day, day, day there is archery,
Oh every night, night, night, apple pies!
And every member has lovely heraldry.
It’s for you, canton hey, canton ho!
Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Lightwood, Lightwood
Walking in to waddle home,
Party like it’s ancient Rome, ho-ho-ho-ho-ho, hey!
Lightwood, Lightwood,
Lumberjacks are all OK,
Sleep all night and work all day, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, hey!
Lightwood, Lightwood,
Filking madly all night long,
Never get the lyrics wrong, ha-ha-ha-ha, hey!
Lightwood, Lightwood,
Join our mighty army then
You will never die again, ha-ha-ha-ha-ho!

Lightwood
Rains every second day,
So don’t get washed away,
Into the sea.
Lightwood,
Nobody hurries here
Hibernate half the year
Live patiently.

And every day, day, day there is archery
Oh every night, night, night, apple pies!
And every member has lovely heraldry.
It’s for you, canton hey, canton ho!
Hey, hey, hey, hey,

Lightwood, Lightwood
Walking in to waddle home,
Party like it’s ancient Rome, ho-ho-ho-ho-ho, hey!
Lightwood, Lightwood,
Lumberjacks are all OK,
Sleep all night and work all day, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, hey!
Lightwood…
La-la-la-la, la-la la,
La-la-la-la, la-la la, ho-ho-ho-ho-ho, hey!
Lightwood…
La-la-la-la, la-la la,
La-la-la-la, la-la la, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh…
Lightwood! Lightwood!

Lightwood, Lightwood,
Meet the bold De Bonnay clan,
(Please outbreed them if you can!), ho-ho-ho-ho-ho, hey!
Lightwood, Lightwood,
Listen closely to our song,
This is where you all belong, ah-ha-ha-ha-ha

And every day, day, day there is archery
Oh every night, night, night, apple pies!
Perhaps a bit too much purple heraldry…
It’s for you, canton hey, canton ho!
Hey, hey, hey, hey,

Lightwood, Lightwood
Walking in to waddle home,
Party like it’s ancient Rome, ho-ho-ho-ho-ho, hey!
Lightwood, Lightwood,
Lumberjacks are all OK,
Sleep all night and work all day, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, hey!
Lightwood, Lightwood,
Filking madly all night long,
Never get the lyrics wrong, ha-ha-ha-ha, ho!
Lightwood, Lightwood,
Join our mighty army then
(Mostly only Bill and Ben) ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!