Bastian The Whore

They had boat races at Rowany Festival, AS XXIX, when King Fabian was visiting. Oddly enough, they did these with boats, or at least with boat-shaped frameworks that fit up to half a dozen “sailors”. As an entry in the Nil Stercus Ibi Fui (No Shit, There I Was) competition after the Festival, I produced this. It’s to the tune of the theme from Gilligan’s Island.

[April 1995]

Pay heed to the tale of a deathbound ship,
With a love-lorn crew of four:
Young Tegan, Morag, Jamie boy,
And Bastian the Whore, old Bastian the Whore.

When Viscount Brusi gave the call
For a side to join the war,
He called on Morag, Teggles and James,
And Bastian the Whore.

The Jolly Rogered sailed away
On the sea for a month or more
With a crew of Jamie, Morag, Teegs,
And Bastian the Whore.

For a year they fought the noble fight,
For honour, gold and glor-
-Y, with Morag, Jim and Teegy-Babes,
And Bastian the Whore.

Till nasty Gregory of Loch Swan,
He came upon the corps,
Of Jimmy, Morag, Dancing Teeg,
And Bastian the Whore.

He rammed the Jolly Rogered then,
And left them on the shore,
Poor Morie-snookums, Tegan, Jim
And Bastian the Whore.

They lived a while and then they died,
They’re buried there (how poor!)
Young Tegan, Morag, James the Blond,
And Bastian the Whore!