One of the highlights of the beige, portaloo-avoiding marathon that men call Festival is the Children’s Battle. Once more and it will be an SCA Tradition! Basically, it’s an opportunity for the underage munchkins of the kingdom to beat up on any knights foolish enough to volunteer. This year, naturally, I wrote a song about it.
[April 2007]
The children held the valley, the children held the fort
The knights held a meeting and they wouldn’t cut it short.
So the children stood and taunted, the children stood and cheered
Till the knights stopped talking and they finally appeared.
And the children said…
Are you my Daddy?
Are you my Daddy?
Are you my Daddy?
Is what they said.
Are you my Daddy?
Are you my Daddy?
Are you my Daddy?
And — oops! You’re dead!
The knights tried it frontal, they tried it to the side
They tried their raps and snaps and taps, they tried it and they died
The children threw their missiles, with quite unearthly skill
Their swords in mighty concert flew and gave the knights their fill
And the children said…
The knights were all outnumbered, out-angled and outclassed.
But knights are pretty sneaky when it comes down to the last
They couldn’t win by prowess, so they won by bribery
With bags of gold to buy it, they acquired victory!
And the knights all sang…
Who’s your Daddy?
Who’s your Daddy?
Who’s your Daddy?
Got your fort right here!
Who’s your Daddy?
Who’s your Daddy?
Who’s your Daddy?
Try again next year!